Heart

She sat there between faith and doubt, with all the emotions one can feel in any given moment. I listened with silence and compassion, knowing the reason for my presence was so she could here her words out loud. Her words to my ears, to my heart. to your eyes....... 

I listened to the podcasts that he emailed to me last night then to others I found on my own. How many ways of finding inner peace are there? A lot. I just listened to as many as I can and whatever resonates with me will be the one that sticks.  I started out running from something. running, running running.. So after years of this and much advice from everyone. I am now running to something. Taking the best advice I have ever received from a most unlikely person "You're listening to too many people. Do what you want." The only problem with that is after being told how to live my life by others, I'm not sure what that is.

 I went to a dating website looking for love but instead I found him, the person that would change my entire perspective about life. We found each other by accident, go figure. He came into my life with words of wisdom that took me months to figure out what they meant. I had to figure out what all that meant on my own, someone else had once told me this also. So here I sit for the umpteenth time, feeling frustrated and confused. I know I am not the same person I was years ago or even yesterday, I'm better. I will continue to get better, He told me this. My teacher, my mentor, my philosopher, my friend. He is an inspiration to me, His thoughts on life, his music, his insight, his kindness, his whole entire being is that of understanding and love. So what is holding me back from taking a chance with him? Fear. 

What is a chance encounter for the better called? I keep putting a crap load of stuff on my plate to get done before this and before that. When is that plate going to be clean enough for me to actually do something. I'm moving in small steps, testing the water before I dive in, seeing if this or that resonates with me. This man, this incredible man, came to me and has stayed with me for over two years now.  Our plans to meet came and went. Will we ever meet in person, I highly doubt it. He is steadfast and knows where he wants to be, me on the other hand am as wishy washy as a person can be. Afraid, afraid of what?  Fear, how silly is that??? That is the right question. He has given me encouragement, suggestions, endless "At a girl" and above all faith. To believe in myself, to know whatever I decide everything will be just fine. I will be okay. He has given me more of everything intangible and nothing money can buy. I am so grateful for this man. 

I feel I have come very far in discovering my worth in this world. I believe this, I will succeed at anything I put my heart into, just as you will.